,,the place where I live.

Ok so I have had a sucky week, night, day , life, month lately. I'm sure it doesn't help that I am sick this week and cant seem to get over my cold. I promise this post not to be a 5 paragraph bitchy rant. Ok Well, last night Dave and I had a really bad night. TO put it in short we tried to make up for our lake of a valentines day anniversary celebration two weeks ago and utterly failed. As a result we both got pretty depressed because we realised that we just don't have enough energy left sometimes to make our life enjoyable. If you have never worked in a call center you may not fully appreciate how mind numbing it can become. There is no interaction besides you customer interaction. Your life and work is evaluated only by computer like metrics. I just cant tell you how demeaning it is. At the same time it feels impossible to leave. Because I work a call center no matter how good the company and how much time I have put in there it is a huge blemish on my resume.  Needless to save Dave and I feel lost and trapped. We need the money we make right now but we have to do something else! 

What do we do!? What do I do!? The next problem is how do I get Dave, who hates planning in advance because so often it hasn't worked out, to plan with me. I guess I am at my wits end. I am so tired of being unhappy. Do I have to just tell myself the economy sucks and I should be happy to have a job? GAh!

ok I promised not to keep bitching the entire post so here's something different. Can I just say that I am so proud of president Obama for placing a lil bit of the blame of our current crisis on his people. That's the leader we need right now. One who isn't afraid to tell us that although there are many other factors in making things so bad one of the primary factors was our desire to live outside our means. Go PresO! 

Ok I just needed to get some things out. I don't think I could desire comments any more than I do right now.!

.. writers block.

Ok! Time to do a lil writidy writing on my blogity blog. So hmm... OH! Well I emailed my former advisor with GV today and asked her about doing an MS in communications. Woot! Progress! Its pretty interesting when just sitting down to write an email to a former professor seems like progress. Meanwhile I'm excited and cant wait for her reply. I'm really hoping for an "OMg we want you back so bad" kinda email. Totally going to happen. ;-)

So this weekend was Dave and I's 2 year maniversary. Yes we have valentines day and maniversary at the same time. Well we really didn't do too much. In fact we just had some pizza hut and went shopping. We are going to try again in a couple of weeks. Hopefully more romantic detail are to follow. Meanwhile it was really nice. Since Dave works the night shift I really don't get to see him awake during the week. Basically anytime with him is a joy. 

I emailed Gov Granholm today. Apparently not only does she want to completely cut the budgets for artists grants this year, she also wants to increase the application fee by a whopping $700. That was the last ticket for me. I finally answered my artserv email and sent one to her. It was really quick and wrote with about the same gusto as this current blog post... not my best. Despite that I felt pretty cool. Like I was part of the art community. 

God that was a random post. 

... back and forth.

Whoa! It's been an interesting week. So .. where to begin. Well first off it hasn't been interesting on the side of "wow that's so cool" more like "I never stopped cleaning but god this feels good!" I drove David's mother to Minneapolis to start her new life. Now I can begin to prepare for my new life. Of course it will be a bit of time before that happens in the meantime I can relish in being absolutely domestic. There is the weird dichotomy with me between domesticism and fabulousness. I LOVE cleaning house. I just do. I find great satisfaction that once the rug looked splotchy and after a good vacuuming it looks perfect. God what is wrong with me lol. Meanwhile everyday I yearn to be out living a the life of a struggling artist in a big city. I scoff of the idea of being a suburb man and want to live my life with an 

IV of wine coursing through my veins. 

When i was in high school I was pretty much a prep brought on by my upbringing yet I thought being a goth person was so cool! lol I still want to get a million piercing and die my hair black. I found myself frequenting Hot Topic wearing khakis and a polo sweater. It was ok though because I was always welcome because I was gay. lol I would buy a pride sticker of some sort to put in my locker. I guess I have always been a mixed person. Even with being gay. I love relishing in the stereotypes and flaming the night away. Also, I love it when people think I'm straight. Even this blog poses a wishy washyness for me. Do I want it to be a diary of my life and hope that people find it interesting, or do I want to write a amazing commentary on the goings on of the world around me Perez Hilton style. Gah! Christian are you sure you are not a Libra? Well I have been this way for quite some time so I guess I should get used to it. It seems the my friends are. 

.. change and stuff.

Woot!

Ok so it is finally happening! David's mother is moving out and my life will become mother in law free. Yay! Ok I love the woman. She is totally awesome. I better say this since three of her children will most likely read my blog. Seriously it has been great but I haven't lived with a parental figure in years and its just overbearing. I'm also really excited for her because she has worked so hard to get out of here and its finally happening. In the meantime it will also be great to finally have a big room.

So it was interesting watching all the inauguration festivities yesterday. I love Obama don't get me wrong but it was almost as if everything seemed a little too revolutionary. Some of the language made me pause and wonder where the revolution was. There is of course the silent revolution theory. I guess I am just too polite a person and my stomach got a bit tight with so many revolutionary words being spouted out next to the former pres. I am also concerned right now because I myself HATE bush (well not him himself he seems nice) but I hate his policies and performance. Why am I so tight about the situation? I also wonder if we are putting too much on the shoulders of Obama. I know it is good to have a positive figure to allow yourself to look in a positive light, but its almost like we are avoiding our own problems by claiming that Obama will fix them all. I work at a bank. Our stock is down to $4 something. Back in the day it was around $30 something. We are plunging and we didn't even grant subprime mortgages. I also am an aspiring artist who really wants to go back to school and not worry about whether or not I can get even a federal loan. These are HUGE problems (not to mention I live in Michigan) and I don't believe that they will be able to be fixed as expediently as it seems we the masses are expecting. 

Speaking of times of trouble, my dad was laid off yesterday. My father, the breadwinner, the big kahuna, without a job. Stupid auto industry. My mom was pretty upset by it. I didnt know what to say besides " I don't know what to say" I haven't talked to my dad about it at all. Gah stupid stuff. The thing with this whole recession especially in concerns to the auto industry is the blood sweat and tears that people like my dad put into their companies. Those "pampered" auto workers have been working and devoted to their company for eons. A ford worker doesn't just work at ford. They live, breath, eat, drive, and dream ford. That dedication for so many years to only have your world shattered. Not only are you severed from your company, at this point you are severed from that industry in general. Everything you have learned and done means nothing and you have to start from square one at 50. Grrr

I read a great article about how the recession is affecting 20 somethings the worst. We are the first people on the layoff lists since we have the least experience. Whats really frustrating is the hubris that was instilled in us during k12. I was always told that all I had to do was go to college and I would get a great job. I would'nt be working in the mail room, on a factory floor, selling hot dogs, or answering phones. Oh no a B.A. gets you a pass, a waiver to skip that class and go right into entry level management. EEEHHHHHH WRONG! That is a total culture shock let me tell you. The residual anger from this realization still resonates me but every day I become more content with it. I'm getting there.

Ok well there we go. My ranting. Did I solve anything? No, but I hope that y'all will chime in with your thoughts.

.. single ladies.

Ok miss Beyonce what are you trying to tell us? 

To tell you the truth I am utterly baffled. As token gay to many friends I am utterly fed up with the goings on of my poor girls. Time and time again I see them kicked to the curb by utterly ruthless guys, correction, boys. Ok so yes you made a second song telling us what you would do if you were a boy.. but you're not. What can I tell my girls to help them? Where is the shining beckon of hope from Hollywood telling us how we are supposed to behave?

Whats the matter with boys today?

I totally feel like Paul Lynde in Bye Bye Birdie droning on about the inability of boys to behave at par to our expectations. That is at least to say that as a Gay man I can put expectations on straight men that speak for the general female public. Anyway seriously!? What is your issue with putting a word to the activity that you and the female counterpart of your two person unit. Is it so hard to say "yes, by jove! I am in a relationship!" You could even use the every popular "she's my GIRLFRIEND." That totally works too and its an ambiguous enough of a term that people wont know exactly if the word L$%E has been used. Really whats is the matter? Why cant you be like gay men; perfect in every way? 

What would the ultimate beacon for single women do?

All this talk about the life of a single women has me jonesing for some"Sex and the City." What would my four favorite girls do? 

Believe it or not the Gay man's bible (The "Sex and the City" pink suede six season collectors edition) provides me with no straight answer. Yes, the girls did date many assholes through their tenure but never the class of scum I see hurting my girls. Keep in mind that they were dating 30 and 40 somethings in the 90's not 20 something ass's in the 00's. Though this reference does not provide me with any direct answers as a man of the rainbow cloth I feel I can provide some answers.

Samantha - Well of course she would just do him, repeatedly. But if your find your love toy is doing you wrong by leading you in mixed ways take a page from Samantha's book. When Samantha had an ass working as her PA she took care of him by firing him, doing him, and then throwing him away. Think of this man as a cigarette, smoke it then through away the butt. 

Charlotte - Now at first it seems that Charlotte wouldn't be able to handle the tom foolery of today's man but lets look back at Trey shall we. Remember when they were having the hardest time conceiving and Trey got her a cardboard cut out of a baby. Well that girl is all about the revenge! If you remember in the ensuing fight over the baby farce she uttered one of the best burns in the entire series " how would you like it if I got a cardboard cut out of a big flaccid PENIS!" Well girls if you find yourself with an ass of this sort take that moment one step further..... get one.

Miranda - Miranda poses a challenge since often she dated awesome guys who adored her but she was unwilling to take the necessary steps to further the relationship. She was the personification of what women often should not do and she and we learned from those mistakes. I think though there is definitely a great lesson to be found in Miranda. Make a list! Do it! Do you have a guy that strings you along for months uttering everything you want to hear  and nothing you need to hear? Well then sit down and make a list. Pro Con. Do it! Lets once again take this one step further. Show the asshole the list and break his heart before he breaks yours.

Carrie - There are two lessons that can be learned from Carrie. One for the aftermath of a horrid boy, and the other for when you find a good one. First when you feel your lowest and are at the utter brink of despair put on the best and most fabulous (even the most hideous what ever gets you going) dress and go out to be worshipped. While being worshipped keep the eyes on the prize: yourself. Make them want it all but give them nothing. That is the best way to bring you self confidence to the level should have never left. Second when you have met the perfect guy do not DO NOT go on a 5 minute tirade summing up the blunders of all relationships past to that guy. Save that for you gay friends like me! That's what we're here for. Trust me its for the best.

Ok well maybe in writing this I haven't quite discovered why men are the way they are but by invoking the spirits of the relationship goddesses we can at least learn how to move on. 

Keep on living for yourself!

..new blogs and stuff.

Well here I am . I've been pondering the use of a blog for quite some time. It wasn't until the urgings of my friend Eva to write my life that I finally cast the stone.

2008 has been a profound year. I feel like I have spent the entire year treading water but by evoking that cliche I realize that though I may be treading I'm not sinking and that is comforting. I sit here listening to my I-tunes playlist (Gay and in control) and sipping on a pomegranate IZZE and truly I have become contented. 

Yes I live in Grand Rapids!

Yes Grand Rapids is in Michigan!

Yes I work at a bank!

Yes that work is call center!

Yes I am currently involved in very little art!

Yes I live at my boyfriend's mothers house!

Yes I am racked with debt!

Yes many of my friends have moved away!

Yes I am not as skinny as I used to be!

Yes I wish I had more!

But..

No this doesn't have to be permanent!

No I am not living in Port Huron!

No I am not in the same horrible position I was in last year!

No I am NOT alone!

No spending all of my time thinking about this shit I not worth it!

No I'm not as heavy as I used to be!

No life will go on!

No my best friends no matter how far away they are will never leave really!

Ok so that gets it all out. I could have gone on for paragraphs about each topic but I feel it is best to just lay those thing out. Already I feel better. 

One thing I will talk about is that sheer fact that I spent too much time last year in an uncommunicative state. It was bad enough that I rarely made it outside of my house to socialize with others, I abstained from venturing into cyberspace as well. There are so many outstanding sources (stalky sources I admit) to be a part of a social core no matter how spread out it is. I have already began to re-introduce myself to that core. I'm not sure what ever kept me away from it. I think it had something to do with jealousy but I still feel there was more. Was I scared? Was I anxious? Hmm.. well lets let it be that was the past this is now. 

Meanwhile.. I haven't created much art in a while. I have taught though and if you think about it adding art to someone else's life is creating art. You are propelling a human being to express themselves in ways they never knew possible. Gosh I love that. This is why I really need to find a way to get myself in a position to teach for the rest of my life. I have to get a masters at some point. I think Dave and I will be ready to take that step in the future its just a question of when. 

Well that is going to be my ranting for now.